Just a quick a post here. We are at the final stages of moving out of our old home and it's beginning to really sink in... deep. Our last day will be sometime in the end of December. Every day after dropping off my boys to school, I'll come here and little by little, sort and divide all of the little things that we've managed to collect over the years, some very sentimental things, yet some things I'm not so sure why we've held on to for so long. Must be that nasty, old habit of finding security in 'things' when in reality, it holds no real sense of value at all. So, I continue to go through all of our old belongings, I struggle with whether it has enough sentimental value to even keep or give away. Most often than not, I found that there were a lot of possessions that were not significant enough to salvage. Most of what we kept were photos, letters, important documents, and our basic essentials. The rest were just "things" that no longer useful or just took up space and collected dust. It's evident that now we can really start over and live simply. Feels good, I guess to simplify our lives.
Anyways, what I wanted to share was some photos of what I know I WILL miss about this home. And although I have enjoyed so many memories here, I found that my memories will always remain in me, but there's certain things I wish we didn't have to part with...
Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine, regardless of the circumstances, was both special and emotional at the same time, one we will never forget. Last week, we moved all our big furniture and most of our belongings and on Thanksgiving, we spent it cleaning up the new home and arranging everything before our gathering with close family the following day. I usually am full of energy and given that we had no time to plan anything out, I opted to order a pre-cooked turkey and asked my family to bring a potluck dish instead of my usual spread of a home cooked feast of family favorites. Not many pictures were taken this year for lack of motivation. Seriously, I can't even believe that I didn't take one photo except a few with my iPhone... Anyways, having my close loved ones at our new place was comforting. Hearing the laughter echo and to see familiar faces has made me very thankful for the people in my life. I have so much to be grateful for that I can't complain. Moments of despair can truly be a blessing in disguise because it opens your eyes and brings you to reality. It pushes you to your limits where you no longer can rely on your own strength, but on the strength that comes from God and the people he placed in your life to help carry you through your darkest hours, bringing you closer to one another. Once again, I am humbled and forever changed by life's unexpected turns...
This song "Life Uncommon" by Jewel has totally described what I feel and am striving to do and I hope to instill in my soul. Her voice and her message is so empowering that it has moved me to tears every time I listen to it.
To lead a life that is uncommon, takes bravery and courage, hope and faith, and most of all LOVE.
God bless....
Don't worry mother, it'll be alright. And don't worry, sister, say your prayers and sleep tight. It'll be fine, lover of mine, It'll be just fine. Lend your voices only to sounds of freedom.
No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from. Fill your lives with love and bravery, and you shall lead a live uncommon.
I've heard your anguish; I've heard your hearts cry out, "We are tired, we are weary, but we aren't worn out." Set down your chains, until only faith remains. Set down your chains, and lend your voices only to sounds of freedom.
No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from. Fill your lives with love and bravery, and you shall lead a life uncommon.
There are plenty of people who pray for peace Find more similar lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.com/ffVBut if praying were enough, it would have come to be. Let your words enslave no one. and the heavens will hush themselves to hear Your voices ring out clear with sounds of freedom. Sounds of freedom.
Come on, you unbelievers, move out of the way! There is a new army coming, and they are armed with faith. To live, you must give. Give, and lend your voices only to sounds of freedom.
No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from. Fill your lives with love and bravery, And you shall lead... Lend your voices only to sounds of freedom.
No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from. Fill your lives with love and bravery, and you shall lead a life uncommon.
Yesterday was the start of our move to the new home... It's a slow process and I'm starting to realize that although its such a huge feat, I can only get things done one day at a time. If I could snap my fingers and have everything in place, that would be awesome, but in reality that is just not going to happen, so be it. Life goes on. Anyways, I am beyond blessed with the amount of support and prayers that friends and family have given me and my family. Its during these difficult times when you begin to see the true colors of those who you know you can trust and rely on. Sometimes, the ones who you deemed to be your closest friends or family are not always going to be there, and sometimes those who you kept at a distance, become the ones who go the extra mile and make the time and effort to show they care. At first, this made it so hard to swallow and accept, maybe stung my heart a little, but either way, I am just humbled and blessed. All that really matters to me, is my FAMILY and that I can choose to continue to love and breathe and just BE. There are more reasons for me to rejoice and be thankful this Thanksgiving than to let petty things take me away from what's most important.
May you all have a blessed THANKSGIVING and continue to reap abundance of blessings through the remainder of this year. Until then, stay true and keep being YOU.
As you all know, my journey in mixed media began with Christy Tomlinson's --- She Had Three Hearts Workshop. Never did I expect this to take me to places within my heart and soul, that I never knew existed. Today, I opened an email and read about this new e-course, Creatively Made, that Christy has teamed up with Jeanne Oliver of Jeanne Oliver Designs. After watching the video intro, I was completely filled with so much excitement and joy because right now, as you all know, I'm going through such a difficult transition with our move. I so need this and feel that so many of us who are searching for their God-given gifts can really benefit from this course. I know I am. I struggle all the time with my past and emotions that still linger and haunt me. Creativity has alway been one of my strongest antidotes other than my spiritual journey as a Christian. And what has been my most trusted remedy in helping me overcome my struggles and fears, is my FAITH and my ART. I hope that you will join me in this course and together we can discover a deeper understanding of our purpose, our gifts, and the blessings that our past, whether good or bad, has to offer to others in need of the same blessing of hope, faith, and love.
Came across this on Pinterest and wanted to share. I love finding strength and courage in things I read. Makes you stop and think. Hope this encourages you!
By the way....
I feel bad that this year, we didn't really find time to be festive for Halloween. Other than my boys dressing up in costumes for their school parade, we just didn't get around to going to the pumpkin patch, carving pumpkins or decorating. So much is going on right now. But, there's always next year.
Hey y'all. Just wanted to share a little peek at my latest project. It was inspired by a dear friend. I think it's one of my favorite pieces so far and I cannot wait to share it with you. So stay tuned :)
Late Sunday afternoon, my family and I took a leisure walk by the beach and stayed to watch the sunset. I had been sick all week and wanted to enjoy time with my family. The weather was warm and breezy as it usually is sometimes in late October, which we call Indian Summer. The view of the ocean was so peaceful and serene as the waves were so unusually calm. The sun cast this glow that made the entire ocean look golden. It was simply beautiful.
As the sun lowered in the horizon, I thought about how the sun sets and rises every single day. We know that when night comes, that the morning is inevitably going to come the next day. It reminded me of two things. One, how some things in life areCONSTANT, even when a lot of things seem to change. Time is constant. The sun and moon are constant. The waves are constant. And it soon made me realize how so many times, through so many seasons that I've gone through, God's love has always remained constant.So whatever seasons I go through, I know that nothing can change His love for me. Secondly, I was reminded that every day is a NEW day. The moment the sun goes down, I have to try my best to leave my past troubles or worries behind, and start the next day with a new and fresh attitude that I can make it a better day. I know, it's never that easy to do and I may not always accomplish it, but sometimes when I stop to look at the world around me and the wisdom that comes from His creation, I can't help but to remember to live each day as if it were my last. I don't want to waste time, spending my life carrying unnecessary baggage or resentment. I don't want to keep questioning my past and continue to live in regret. I don't want to let life slip by while I'm too hung up on feeling sorry for myself or caught up in thinking 'what if' I did this or that. I want to enjoy my life regardless of the disappointments and mistakes that I or other people have made. Each day is a gift and I intend to receive each day as another chance to make better choices and become a better person.
We live and learn. And in everything we go through, we have a loving Father who "works everything out for good, according to His purpose and plan." Wherever the road leads me, I know that if I stumble and fall, I know that I'll find my way back on track again and the Lord will guide me where I need to go, because GOD'S LOVE IS CONSTANT.
[At the cliff side]
[Walk on water = step out in faith]
[Stay Gold]
[Shadows of Time]
[Colors of Heaven]
[Like the sun that rises and sets, His love is CONSTANT]
[PRECIOUS: A Father + Son Moment | My hubby & youngest son, Lucas]
Its been over a month since we realized the fact that it's time to sell our home and move. Most of my art supplies were already boxed up to get our home in order for the open house showings. I was dealing with so many emotions that I needed to paint and express it through art. It was a cold and rainy week, so it only added to my depression. But, in between those days I had caught a glimpse of a rainbow which reminded me of God's promise in the Bible, only to remind me of the promises He personally gave me a long time ago... So, I went and dug through my art box and got what I needed to create this page.
Rain.
So many times I forget how important it is for us to have RAIN. Rain makes things grow and washes the earth. Rain cleans the air and refreshes it. Without rain, there are no rainbows. :) To me, I relate it to the moments that I struggle with problems and go through trials. But, then how could I appreciate my blessings if I have never suffered grief or felt pain? If we had a perfect life, how can we be thankful for what we have? Could it be that God puts us in these situations where we're cornered by our worldly problems only to find ourselves in desperate need of Him AND to not take anything for granted? I believe so. At least, that's the pattern I've recalled in my past experiences. The times that I've been most vulnerable and broken, were the times that I felt the closest to God. He would show me in ways through loved ones, strangers, through unexpected places or things that I am loved and not alone in my suffering. I've also found what it means to exercise our faith, how to live a life of hope, and most of all, how to receive His perfect love. He promised us He would never leave or forsake us. I sometimes think to myself, "God, do you even care? Where are you when I need you, God?" But, as always He does come through. Just not on my terms or my timing, because His plans for me and His timing is always perfect.
Real life lessons are never learned the easy way, at least for me, it was always the hard way. If being shaken up by our circumstances causes us to stop and wake up from complacency and indifference, I know it's only because He loves me too much to allow me to live a life apart from Him. So when troubles arise and I'm stuck between a rock and hard place, there's only one place I can run to... to Jesus. As much as my stubbornness wants to tell me, I don't need ANYONE to fix my problems, I can do it ALL. BY. MYSELF.(Something my kids tell me all the time!) Ha! But, what do you know, I don't have all the answers and I don't exactly have all the strength to fight a battle that is bigger than I. So, if God is bigger than my problems and His power and strength is greater than mine, than I need to surrender it all to Him.
So although, I am still human and life will never be perfect, I have to choose each and every day if I'm going to trust in Him or give up, even in the most precarious moments. Rainy days are blessings in disguise and when it rains, I have to remember that I need the rain as well. I need to be tested and walk through valleys if I want to gain a heart of wisdom and increase my faith. And when the rain ends, I hope to see the growth in my life. When I've finished the test, I hope to see the rewards. When I've finished crossing the deep valleys, I hope that I'll reach the mountain top and have a clearer understanding of the big picture. Then, I can testify that GOD is GOOD, not sometimes, but ALL THE TIME. Most of all, I will know that I was never alone and that God's grace has carried me through it all, and it was only to get me to a better place and to become a better person.... Selah.
Here is a video that my dear friend, Juby(thank you Juby!), shared with me that has blessed me immeasurably. Listen to the words and take time to know that you are blessed, even through the raindrops and the tears:
"Blessings" by Laura Story
We pray for blessings We pray for peace Comfort for family, protection while we sleep We pray for healing, for prosperity We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering All the while, You hear each spoken need Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You’re near What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom Your voice to hear And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love As if every promise from Your Word is not enough All the while, You hear each desperate plea And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You’re near And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us When darkness seems to win We know that pain reminds this heart That this is not, this is not our home It's not our home
Just a quick drop in to let you know that I am still alive, though it feels like I've been striving to make it through each day...
I've been meaning to catch up with this blog and share the news that we are selling our home after a long battle, 3 years to be exact, with trying to modify our loan with our bank (CHASE). We did all we could and tried our best to save it, but to no avail, we discovered the harsh reality that they have not been able to assist us. With the lack of assistance and support, coupled with the overwhelming rate of persons facing unemployment and/or loss of adequate income, it's been a down spiral for so many people who have found it extremely difficult to keep their homes. Such a sad defeat for hundreds, if not thousands, of homeowners here in the depressed economic state of California. Over the last year, I've seen a large amount of so many homes for sale, pop up and down our neighborhood and along our street. Those days, I remember praying that our home would not follow their fate and that we would be spared from it. Unfortunately, sometimes our prayers are unanswered for whatever reason the One above has chosen to give us a different outcome...
Although it has been a very sad and emotional time for me and my family, it has also been a time of spiritual awakening and self reflection. I am learning to remain humble and to really appreciate what I have and who I have in my life, instead of finding security and happiness in material possessions. It seems like many of us, forget how temporary it is, one day can change everything just like that. Just like seasons can change in a single moment, we have no control over the changes that come, and sometimes they are hard to accept, but what can you do? You adapt to it and make the necessary adjustments to keep living until the next season. The real challenge for me is, just having to let go before I can actually move forward and accept the fact that these endings are just new beginnings to learn, grow, and mature. Who knows what the future holds, right? Just like Steve Jobs said,"We can't connect the dots looking forward. We can only connect the dots looking backwards."
The past weeks have been a struggle trying to maintain balance between the chaos and living as normal as possible. Day in and day out, my husband and I are burdened with facing the uncertainty of where to move to and finding the right home for our family. On top of that, we have a limited amount of time before this house is either purchased by another deserving family or sold at auction. You can imagine, the loss of appetite and sleep this has caused me. :( Our hopes and dreams in this house has literally come to an end. Yet, we feel a sense of peace that maybe this is His way of taking this burden away from us, only to give us something something BETTER.
On the other hand, I have been blessed by those who have showed us comfort and encouragement that we are not alone in this. In fact, I was encouraged to know that a few of my friends have gone through the same exact ordeal and now they are in a much better place. Their wisdom and understanding that they've experienced has given me so much hope for a new beginning and for a fresh start. As they say, "when one door closes, another one opens" and that is the one hope I have at this moment other than for my family to find a home before the holidays, where we can at least celebrate Christmas together as a family...
So, will you pray for us? Pray specifically that this transition of a new buyer and our search for a new home goes well so that my family, especially my children, will find the right home before Christmas. It would be such a blessing to us. That would be so awesome to end this year with that special gift and to be able to enjoy the blessing of a new home.
Today is Day 57 of my Project 365. Since it's Monday, I also would like to share my weekly theme--Things You Wish Never Happened. I know, it's kind of sounds a bit melancholy, but it's real life and that's what this project is about. If all we did was take pictures of flowers, sunsets, and happy faces all year long, I think I've defeated my purpose of even joining this group. And quite frankly, I think it would make my P365 album seem quite boring if you ask me. Every life has it's ups and downs and moments that are not perfect. So this week, I choose to focus on the disappointments, painful memories, the mistakes and imperfections that I might encounter and/or have endured....
DAY 57
09/19/11
Location: Woodlawn Cemetery
Camera: iPhone
My mother's birthday was over the weekend, but as much as I wanted to pay her a visit, I had to babysit my nieces and also needed to do a photo shoot with my hubby. I finally went today after I dropped my boys off at school. I cut some of the dahlia flowers that grew in our garden to place at her grave.
Even though it's been 25 years since she passed, I still get emotional. Most of the memories I have of her are just bits and pieces of our lives in my old childhood home where I would see her cooking in the kitchen and the delicious food she would make. I can still envision her brushing her hair in the bathroom mirror, sitting at the dining room table talking on the phone or doing the bills. I also remember how she got mad at me and chased me around the table with her slipper so she can spank me after I threw a pillow at her, but then we both ended up laughing together in the end. I remember her laugh and her smile. She was very soft spoken and kind hearted towards everyone she met. At night, sometimes she would sing us songs to sleep and tell us stories about Jesus. Her faith in God was not just through her words but her actions as well, so very giving and unselfish. I remember her hands, how rough they were from all her hard work around the house, but those hands were also very gentle and willing to do whatever she needed to do to keep our family and our home a happy place...
There was one vivid memory I had of the time I was playing with some kids on my block and we had a bike race downhill from the top of my street. I was in the winning lead until my bike crashed to its side and I lay there in pain crying. My friends helped walk me back to my house and my mom was doing laundry in the garage. She stopped to pick me up and carry me up to my room and took care of whatever was hurting or bleeding. I knew she was worried, yet she was calm and made sure that I was okay and she would pray over me. I remember when she found out the news that she had Leukemia and I had just walked in the door from school. That was the day she left home to be hospitalized for most of the next 6 months until she lost her battle with cancer. And that was the beginning of a long, scary, dark road that led me through some of the most insidious and traumatizing experiences as a teen and as a young adult. But, thankfully and graciously, I found refuge, freedom, and hope in God's love. It took years for me to really recover from my past and I'm still a work in progress, but God has been faithful to continue his work in me. Somehow, as time passed by, it all made perfect sense how my past has brought me where I needed to be and gave me the capacity to really appreciate life and the blessings I now have. Ironically, even though I wish all the time that my parents would've never passed away so soon, I honestly am grateful for how much it has built my character, my faith, and love for life and my family.....
So, maybe some of you have already heard of Project 365 where one must capture a photo a day for an entire year. Well, I've attempted to do this a few times and never succeeded. It's like making a New Year's resolution and then it falls through the cracks because either we're too busy, lose interest, or lack the motivation. When 2011 began, I told myself that I will never start this up again for those simple reasons. But, lo and behold, here I am back into it and this time I truly believe I am going to see it through to the end... Why? Well, first of all, I am so much more passionate about photography than I was a year ago, read my last post here. Second of all, my youngest is now in Kindergarten, so both my boys are in school giving me some time alone. (YESSS!!!). Lastly, some close friends of mine decided to do Project 365 as a group and every day we post our photos in our Facebook group to keep each other motivated and accountable. There are others who have joined that we never met, but now it's become like another extended family. It's been awesome so far, everyone is so supportive and the friendships that we're forming are what keeps us so inspired!
Most would think, that it's best to start P365 right at the beginning of the year which seems only fitting because it's simply a 'new' beginning to a new year. But, it doesn't necessarily have to be that way and you can begin ANYTIME. To me, I like that we started this project about 2 months ago, smack in the middle of year. :) It kinda takes that pressure off of having high expectations like resolutions do, ya know what I mean?
Every Monday, I post a weekly theme that is optional to the group and is really for myself, but thought that it wouldn't help to share with my group if they want to follow along. So far we are in Week 8 and it's been so fun seeing the different perspectives from those who do participate. Here are my weekly themes so far:
WK 7: RITUALS OR ROUTINES WK 8: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO--HMMMM....
Below is my faves from each week and hopefully I'll begin to post my photo of the day from this point on or perhaps a weekly round up if things get too busy for me to do one each day... I'm really determined to keep this going, so any encouragement or support will truly be appreciated!!!!
A few weeks ago, I was contacted by the Managing Editor of a well-known publication company which I choose to not disclose yet, not until I find out if my art work does or does not get selected to be included in their January 2012 issue. But, the fact that my work had attracted interest, has surprised me because I have never been published, nor did I even expect the opportunity to come knocking at my door. I am truly humbled and blessed. Whether or not I will see photos of my art journal printed and sold on the shelves at bookstores, it has motivated me to never underestimate my creativity or ability to inspire others.
Here is the most recent page that I completed before I shipped my journal out, called "Home Is...". The quote says, "Where we love is home--home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts..." I chose this quote because I've moved so much in my lifetime, yet every place I have lived has left me with fond memories especially my childhood home. And in the present moment, 1132 is our house number and it is the home that both my boys are growing up in. So many precious memories are made here for all of us and we hope to live in this house for as long as we can. However, with the economy crisis and so many people on our block moving due to financial hardships, it worries me that one day we may face the decision to move as well. Only God knows what will happen, so we continue to have faith in His plan.
Right now, these babies are on my wish list. :) Yes, I know that these cost a fortune, but they will definitely pay off in the long run because of the amazing photos that it will produce. Just do a search on them and you'll see what I'm talking about!!! I am looking forward to the day when I can go crazy with these! Check it out....
Of course, I've got a longer list which include accessories, tools, and other extras, but these are what I would like focus on getting first... In the meantime, we are using a Canon 7D, Canon 50mm f/1.8, Canon 70-200mm f/2.8 L II Telephoto lens, Canon EF-S 18-135mm f/3.5-5.6, and Speedlite 430 EX Flash and working with what we have when doing photo shoots. So far so good, but it would be so awesome to upgrade to the 5D Mark II and lenses. It will probably be a while before I can even think of owning these, but I am going to make it happen somehow, someway.... :) :) :)
I'm working on hubby and I's portfolio site for ICEBOX IMAGES, so we can begin to showcase our work for all the world to see and hopefully gain more interest to have us photograph weddings, portraits, families, newborn and children sessions in our local area. It's our dream to be full-time one day, but we're taking this one step at a time and enjoying the journey together! Photographer for hire anyone???
FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN for my littlest son, well not so little anymore, LUCAS<3
TODAY... is another milestone for both me and Lucas, my youngest son. He finally started Kindergarten and even though they say that it's not as emotional after your first child starts school, it still was a little heartbreaking for me. I held back my tears when he stood there for a minute and began to cling on tightly to my hand. He was suddenly not as excited as he was the days or weeks before. Then, he whispered in my ear and said, "I can't, Mommy". My eyes blurred with tears, but I consciously took control of my emotions so as to not show him that I, too, was feeling uneasy about it. Looking into his eyes, I told him how I understood that he's nervous and that I was too, but reminded him how I would pick him up right after school, just like he and I did everyday when Josiah was in Kindergarten. He would bury his face in my neck and I took the time to look around to see what was happening with the other kids and their parents. Apparently, there were other children having a hard time as well, some were sobbing and some had to step outside to be calmed down. I'm sure just like me, every parent's heart was aching...
After awhile of reassuring him that I know he will be fine, he finally let go and sat down to draw on the piece of paper. I continued to wait with him and every time I talked to him, he kept silent and just focused on drawing, not once looking at me. I guess that was my cue to start making my way out the door and I kissed him and said, "I'll be back," which he replied simply by saying, "OK."Short and sweet.
The moment came to pick him up and this is what he did as soon as the door opened! He came out running with the biggest smile on his face and I was so relieved that it turned out really well, better than I expected... Well, at least for him. Me? I'm still crying inside.
Although I am happy that my boys are growing up and are so full of life and joy, I'm also realizing all over again at how fast it all happens and it just makes me so vulnerable to know that nothing lasts forever... Life moves on and it moves rather quickly and I just wish that I could slow it down. But in reality, I know that I just need to keep up and cherish each passing moment. So, here's to the beginning of another chapter in this lifelong journey and adventure called Motherhood. :)
